Welcome. I’m an almost-forty (gasp!) woman who found out she has to find herself again. I had always thought I’d have it down by forty, having lived through life-threatening illness, rambunctious and soul-stretching 20’s and 30’s, but life has its surprises.

This web site is about what could possible be the largest change in my life: finding the ultimate answer to my brain. There are things my brain does that I can’t control. I zone out; I hear you but can’t respond. I can’t process directions or language — I garble instructions. I forget, all the time, many times a day — it seems like I have Alzheimer’s. I lose focus. I focus too hard. I can’t switch my focus at will. When I try really hard to be “normal”, with calendars, planners, notes, alarms, etc., I still can’t do what everyone else does effortlessly. I still can’t manage priorities, time, my words, or other things like that. Do I have ADD? Do I have a developmental disorder that no one ever picked up? Do I just need therapy and a few classes on How to Act and Think Like Everyone Else?

My life has been stitched together by calamity (illnesses) and chaos (my brain). I’ve bounced here and there at the whim of something in my brain that refuses to let me settle. When I try to settle into adulthood, my brain ruins it, somehow, some way. Now, at the cusp of another transition in which I’m involved with finding a diagnosis to putting my own job in danger, I fell into a depression.

So here is my journey.