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Don’t Leave Yourself Behind

Friday night my pens and new journal arrived, and I got right down into it. I haven’t done a written journal for so long that the first blank pages intimidated me, and I didn’t want to mess up “pristine space”! What helped is just replaying Ryder Carroll’s Bullet Journal Video and just starting off like he did, with an index and future log.

I know when one starts off with creating your own journal, it’s all about experimenting with different styles and layouts until you find the Happy Place. I’m definitely not there yet.

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Left: my own key ——- Right: Index
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First couple of days. I actually wrote more than I thought I would. Personal stuff obviously blurred out.
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September Brain Dump: all ideas, any to-do’s, for September goes here
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Pop-up Camper ideas: We’re redoing the interior over the winter, so I’m thinking of ideas now
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This isn’t directly connected to journaling/planning. I’ve always wanted to learn calligraphy since I was 12. Here’s my first day, practicing in the morning.

The next big step (other than starting) is to refine my layout. I’ve been looking at other people’s layouts and a lot of them draw out the whole week ahead of time. I have no idea how they know how much space they need ahead of time. Me? I wrote a lot more yesterday than I would have given myself space for. However, I do like a week-at-a-glance to orient myself in time (me and time are not friends). One idea I got was to try a week on a bookmark, which I’ll try this week.

I have other lists and ideas in this journal, too, and I’m really liking that everything I do/think about can find a space. These random lists make me feel somewhat chaotic (going from “blood pressure log” to “daily log” to “books I want to read”) within the journal, but at least I’m not carrying around these lists in my brain. All in all, I don’t feel more in control of my life today, or since I started this journal. But at least I feel like my mind isn’t as full as it was. I’ve been holding lists in my head for who knows how long. Now that my life is experiencing a slow-motion 10.0-Richter scale earthquake, having something to keep the detritus out of my head helps.

Lastly, I found that I am having a harder time doing is “diary writing” in which I bare my soul to the page. I used to vent into journals as a child, but I’ve lost the knack over a lifetime. Everything got internalized, then buried. It seems that I’ve lost touch with myself along the way as well, and recently have sunk into a depression. I know it will be good for me to reconnect with myself, but it’s scary, painful, ugly, and I don’t want to beat a dead horse. But my therapist is going to take me on this journey and I am curious to see what the other side feels like. So, I’m hoping this last piece — the soul-baring — doesn’t get left behind. I’ve got to remind myself in the journal now: don’t leave yourself behind.

 

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