Deep in my secret heart of hearts… I’m a paper, pen, and stationary geek. When I was in grade school, I collected erasers. Who collects erasers? No one else did. But I thought erasers were awesome, probably because I wrote a lot of stories and drew a lot of pictures and I needed to edit. I also loved colorful pens and pencils; later on, I graduated to journals as well. For my 10th birthday, someone gave me a pink-paged, “lock” diary, with a giant heart in the center, and it was that that started me on journaling. When I was 12, I bought my first fountain pen. Around the same time I discovered Anne Frank, and what girl who didn’t read Anne Frank tried to write? I had a small collection of journals in my preteen years to high school. (It didn’t help that my mom discovered this collection and started yelling at me about wasting money).
(Mom yelling at me about stuff never made me stop, rather, it made me stubbornly clench my arms around whatever was threatened).
Anyway… here I am, an adult, with an old collection of childhood journals in the basement and not much writing going on that’s not on the computer. My problem now is that I type much, much faster than I can write/print/scribble, so typing is more fluid. Damn me for being forward-thinking in 9th grade and taking that typewriting class!
But I still want something analog. And since my life is getting out-of-control beyond my control, my obsessions turn towards trying to be in control. So I turn to planning and organizing, while intellectually understanding my need to control my life. Bullet journaling would let me be organized, creative, in control, spontaneous, and obsessive. The concept of planning in general but not planning each page out in advance is interesting to me. This concept leaves room for creative, spur-of-the-moment lists that interrupt spaces between schedules/days. I have several Franklin Covey binders and one planner right now, but I can’t fit everything about me into the planner. It is pre-printed, with only so much space for each day, with no outlet for creativity. It helps, but there are times when I can go days without looking at it.
The stuff I ordered hasn’t arrived yet (fancy notebook, colorful pens), but I’ve been looking up other people’s ideas, guides, illustrations, what-have-you. I’m excited to start and am relaxing my tired, tired brain by drawing out possible layouts I would like to experiment with. I’ve also got a list of lists to make (recipes, camper redo, books to read, topics to research), as well as a mini-project to log what my therapist suggested: finding some brightness, spots of happiness in my life.